Love me when I'm old and shocking
Peel off my elastic stockings
Swing me from the chandeliers
Let's be randy bad old dearsPush around my chromed Bath Chair
Let me tease your white chest hair
Scaring children, swapping dentures
Let us have some great adventuresTake me to the Dogs and Bingo
Teach me how to speak the lingo
Bone my eels and bring me tea
Show me how it's meant to beTake me to your special places
Watching all the puzzled faces
You in shorts and socks and sandals
Me with warts and huge love-handlesAs the need for love enthrals
Wrestle with my dampproof smalls
Make me laugh without constraint
Buy me chocolate body paintHold me safe throughout the night
When my hair has turned to white
Believe me when I say it's true
I've waited all my life for you.
Peel off my elastic stockings
Swing me from the chandeliers
Let's be randy bad old dears
Let me tease your white chest hair
Scaring children, swapping dentures
Let us have some great adventures
Teach me how to speak the lingo
Bone my eels and bring me tea
Show me how it's meant to be
Watching all the puzzled faces
You in shorts and socks and sandals
Me with warts and huge love-handles
Wrestle with my dampproof smalls
Make me laugh without constraint
Buy me chocolate body paint
When my hair has turned to white
Believe me when I say it's true
I've waited all my life for you.